get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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