you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
