Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
