"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Of course I have a pirate flag
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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