Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize