I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
