I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This is the high leading the old right now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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