i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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