I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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