i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
