Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
