I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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