my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
