trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
