Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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