gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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