I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
