Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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