So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
