I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
