Moan for me like Helen Keller
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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