I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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