he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
