i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
