He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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