I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
