If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize