Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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