Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
