he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
