i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
