They should really pass out barf bags in church
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
