Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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