i don't plan on having that self control this summer
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
