I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
