i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
