she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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