tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
