so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
