Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Randomize
