i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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