Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
