There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
