Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
