Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
