why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
is it fun? or sober?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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