White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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