how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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