If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
