You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
