Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hippo gnu deer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
