sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
