I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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