Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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