and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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