thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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