So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
