im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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