Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
