he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize