His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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