ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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