You're a womanizer and a bitch.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
