You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
