I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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