honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize