I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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