did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i think i just lost a toe
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
