I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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