Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize