Im at strip club and am horny
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
