i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you inspire me to be a worse person
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
