I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
