Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize