...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
