two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
