my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
