I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
