Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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