i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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