did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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