so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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