Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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