Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were trust falling into bushes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
