I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
