he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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