it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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