I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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