During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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