I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
