his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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