I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
