Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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