can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize