yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We named our party play list daddy issues
i will never coherently bang her
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
