I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Mom said you looked used
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
