I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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