Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
