I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize