You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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